its getting harder to breathe eh?? Il Rendere pazzo Creatura

2005-08-31T11:03:00.000+08:00

i've found the female version of me!!

its amazing..

even her name is the female version of mine.. ha!

cheers~

2005-08-18T23:12:00.000+08:00

ok.. its inked.. im in da single and unavailable club from now on..

aint interested no more.. poof!

2005-08-16T01:03:00.000+08:00

ok.. im officially 21 for 7 dayz already.

honestly. it didnt make any difference.. less the fact that i can watch a R21 show and sign w/o parental consents. im still stuck in this 'not a boy, not yet a man' stage.

used to think that i'll be a man as they always say one will be after army. but ive learnt nothing except smoking from army. damn.

then i thought i'll be a man after turning 21. but im still not feeling anything except being more pilloried to life's harshest drama. damn again.

21.. SO not loving it.

heck~ at least i got my zen micro and kenneth cole as bday gifts.. thanks dad.. thanks ger..

class of '96

2005-07-25T17:38:00.000+08:00

yeap.. its been 9 yrs.. and a few of us from all 42... or 43.. cant remember.. students from class 6C' 96 gathered.

happy bday to ming.. if he ever read this space..

hands down to mich.. she made the phone calls.. bought the present and paid the buck of the price herself.. the best thing is she's STILL able to memorise the register number for every single person from 9 years back!!

good to have wanni back.. ha ha.. its da 1st time she ever attended gatherings of any sort.. thanks to mich again.

the best part of the evening still belongs to seetoh and naijie..
after a cold war for 9 bloody long years due to a frigging childish reason.. they finally decided to put down all grudges.. and pride to make up... their hug is a kodak moment!!

NINE years.... haaaa.

2005-07-17T00:01:00.000+08:00

woke up with a hangover..

going to sleep with a heartache..

what the hell.....

2005-07-12T01:19:00.000+08:00

once bitten twice shy.... and it took my 3 bites to learn..

i've finally learnt how to really put myself in her shoes.. and things aint that ugly after all..

i've mishandled my own emotions which leads to a toss up in e relationship..

what ever it is.. thank you for this 3rd bite.. and thank you for this chance.. a chance for US.

argh

2005-07-07T14:59:00.000+08:00

im feeling SO under the weather..

everything i do, i do it for a reason.. yet of all ppl she's the 1 who never understands..
everything i said, i said it with good intentions.. yet of all ppl she's the 1 who couldn read me..
it's easy to start a relationship, but hard to maintain 1.. it's even harder when 2 person comes from 2 different world altogether..
im really slapping myself..
NEVER have i felt so helpless in a relationship.. and the worst part is.. im already starting to have deja vu with the ex-bf saga previously...

oh god.. pls tell me its not happening again......

if only girls have bigger brain and smaller mouth. argh.

2005-07-04T20:14:00.000+08:00

hullahz to all my dear frenz...

juz a shout out to u guyz... "I MISS Y'ALL"

met up with jaul, jz and suen on fri... we went to our old hang out place at spinelli.. and more nostalgically, jalan kayu.. it's been a long time really..

we talked bout everything.. from girlfriends to school.. had loads of laughter from looking at each other's hp.. oops :X

looking back at the tough times in army.. we were all glad that we shared the same memories.. cursed and loved our surperiors at the same time.. as gruelling those times were.. it certainly became an un-wipeable part of our life.

i treasure this type of friendship.. and im sure its hard to meet ppl who can forge this type of bond.. cheers!!

2005-06-29T03:09:00.000+08:00

ima dying soon..................................

2005-06-11T23:19:00.000+08:00

to all loyal fans of my blog.. i have to apologise for this long wait.. but i can explain!
first, dunno why i got this dumb writer's block.. i've logged in to the blogger website a thousand times and i just cant pen a single sentence down.
and second, the job is really draining me lah. cant feel any saturdays. damn.

im so neglecting my frenz now.. and i really feel bad about it.. miss the dinosaur clan from cat high, the F4s of arts fac, the monkeys of science fac.. and the biatches from army.

but im still glad.. found a number of good friends lately..
king ryan, queen anna, zack-ie the yan, edwin-hiphop-bro and the idiot ive tolerated since jc, oily LIM YOU REN..
and most significantly.. theres xinyu..

as for my life right now.. i wake up every morning to find myself staring in the mirror, feeling torn apart by my brain.. and my heart.. these 2 precious organs simply cant agree with each other..

how i wish i can find a way to satisfy both.. like the way i can get anchovies on half.

2005-05-20T22:06:00.000+08:00

been at the job as 'acquistion executive' for 5 days now.. tt is the nice name given.. but im juz being a bugger getting in e face of everyone in shenton way who walks by me, asking em to sign up for cards.

still, its a great job... report at e office at 10.30 everyday to make phone calls, slack, have breakfast with OLs, then slack again. the only time im really working is from 12-2pm to meet lunch crowds. then its back to slacking and calling again in the office... pack up go home by 3.30pm...... HE HE.

it sucks to be 21 lahz.. i wanna hang with the big boyz and play with the big gers.. i cant......
and i'm just too old to give any shit to the sweet nineteens.....

if i've learnt anything at all from this job.......
MONEY BUYS U EVERYTHING... yes everything little thang.

eh jaul.. its ur bday!

2005-05-16T00:14:00.000+08:00

happy birthday teo jiahao.

ay! planned a surprise for my suck cock buddy today. his bday is tmr on the 16 of may and he's leaving for thailand this morning with fanny.

so.. suen, sagat, JZ and me decided to drop by the airport to drop him an emo bomb.. ha!

his expression is damn funny when he saw us lah.. nothing exaggerating.. no tears and touching speach.. but can see tt he's really touched......

right.. enjoy the trip u bitch! u too... fanny. he he.

2005-05-16T00:12:00.001+08:00

make a wish.

2005-05-16T00:12:00.000+08:00

finally we see his teeth..

2005-05-16T00:11:00.000+08:00

its frigging 8am.. too lazy to style hair.. all wear cap.. hehe. have this picture framed up in ur head.. jaul!

2005-05-13T00:45:00.000+08:00

had a great day today..

confirmed a job in DBS.. its a major relief..

OLs...... here i come!! he he......

2005-05-09T22:07:00.000+08:00

first and foremost.. thanks to the lovely missy koo for lending me her precious digicam..

2005-05-09T18:32:00.000+08:00

hello hk... l'm coming on a jetplane

2005-05-09T18:31:00.000+08:00

reach hong kong le!!

2005-05-09T18:30:00.001+08:00

waited for another 1.5 hour at hk airport.... notice the weak ones sleeping.. ha!!

2005-05-09T18:30:00.000+08:00

finally roaming the street of hongkong!!! yeehaa..

2005-05-09T18:29:00.000+08:00

wayne just cant get enough of cecelia cheung..

2005-05-09T18:28:00.001+08:00

better not do the ABJ handshake....

2005-05-09T18:28:00.000+08:00

jaul the lousy photographer..

2005-05-09T18:27:00.001+08:00

... 2nd try...

2005-05-09T18:27:00.000+08:00

.... finally a nice shot.

2005-05-09T18:26:00.000+08:00

me and my roomie.. jaul e bitch

2005-05-09T18:25:00.001+08:00

the other pair.. JZ and suen.

2005-05-09T18:25:00.000+08:00

my haul.. after just 3 hrs of shopping in the 1st day

2005-05-09T18:22:00.000+08:00

cool shot of me....

2005-05-09T18:21:00.000+08:00

... and suen.

2005-05-09T18:19:00.001+08:00

me and my bitch

2005-05-09T18:19:00.000+08:00

xi yan - sweets

2005-05-09T18:18:00.000+08:00

just look at the food...

2005-05-09T18:17:00.000+08:00

uncle choong!! love u deep deep for giving us a splendid meal..

2005-05-09T18:12:00.000+08:00

on the tram.. nice view of hk at night... and hongkie really dunno how to aim, focus, shoot

2005-05-09T18:11:00.001+08:00

yeah...

2005-05-09T18:11:00.000+08:00

end of day 1.. yes i know we can form a boy band.. dun like the glamours lahz... BAH!

2005-05-09T18:09:00.000+08:00

waiting for train... shin-ga-po style

2005-05-09T18:08:00.001+08:00

go karting!!

2005-05-09T18:08:00.000+08:00

train to shenzhen pic 1...

2005-05-09T18:07:00.001+08:00

... pic 2.

2005-05-09T18:07:00.000+08:00

not bad eh.. been to 2 countries in 1 trip

2005-05-09T18:06:00.002+08:00

view of shenzhen

2005-05-09T18:06:00.001+08:00

from the top........... china mac sucks by the way

2005-05-09T18:06:00.000+08:00

mystery of china

2005-05-09T18:05:00.001+08:00

it's damn hot in shenzhen lah

2005-05-09T18:05:00.000+08:00

stupid elephant.. thought it's a balloon.. scared the hell out of me

2005-05-09T18:04:00.000+08:00

paid only SGD$6 for a 6 person meal in this ultra glam restaurant.. unbelievable.. u gotta be there to see how posh the place is for yourself..

2005-05-09T18:02:00.000+08:00

cow throat as appetiser

2005-05-09T18:01:00.000+08:00

tian xia di yi bao!!! they name it world's finest bun.. no kidding man..

2005-05-09T18:00:00.000+08:00

will the real eason chan please stand up.. pls stand up.

2005-05-09T17:59:00.001+08:00

hongkong pussy

2005-05-09T17:59:00.000+08:00

street of mongkut.. i hear neon lights are free in hongkong.. hmmmm

2005-05-09T17:58:00.000+08:00

back to the hotel after a full day of walking around.... we are not the only tired ones..

2005-05-09T17:57:00.000+08:00

all set and ready for day 3..

2005-05-09T17:55:00.000+08:00

wayne (the map)...

2005-05-09T17:54:00.000+08:00

funny road sign

2005-05-09T17:53:00.001+08:00

pro-photographer at work

2005-05-09T17:53:00.000+08:00

causeway bay

2005-05-09T17:52:00.000+08:00

I WANT MONEY, CAR, BABES!!!!!!!

2005-05-09T17:51:00.000+08:00

yes the stuffz are cheap.. u can see why..

2005-05-09T17:50:00.001+08:00

i'm not the only one.. sagat looking uninterested as well.

2005-05-09T17:50:00.000+08:00

damn tired of shopping la.. even if its hongkong......

2005-05-09T17:49:00.001+08:00

JZ's gonna kiss me for this shot..

2005-05-09T17:49:00.000+08:00

getting changed for dinner at xi yan, hongkong's top private kitchen..

2005-05-09T17:48:00.000+08:00

the waiter got shaky hands la..

2005-05-09T17:47:00.001+08:00

arty farty shot... last day in hongkong

2005-05-09T17:47:00.000+08:00

YES!! its for free.. thanks uncle jacky.

2005-05-09T17:46:00.000+08:00

i got every reason to believe she shares the same dad as nicholas tse.. oops.. no offence.. xie xian. cute bah!?

2005-05-09T17:45:00.000+08:00

nice view

2005-05-09T17:44:00.001+08:00

arrival at hk airport... really hate to leave

2005-05-09T17:44:00.000+08:00

jaul frantically looking for his air tix.. how we wish he lost it and we can extend our stay.. heehee

2005-05-09T17:43:00.000+08:00

1.. 2.. 5! act cute trio.

2005-05-09T17:42:00.000+08:00

cute pic.. there's a child in all of us..

2005-05-09T17:41:00.000+08:00

bye bye hk.. im leaving on a jetplane

2005-05-03T01:40:00.001+08:00

the stupid things that we do...

2005-05-03T01:40:00.000+08:00

and again....

the big hoohaa about ex-relationship

2005-05-02T17:11:00.000+08:00

"............ but i'm already over him................"

was on the phone with an ex ex girlfriend of a buddy. lets call her W.

k.. her problem is that the ex girlfriend of that same bud of mine wanna meet her. lets call her H.
note: W is the ex ex and H is the ex.

W said not less than 5 times "i'ma moving on super fine" through out the whole conversation...
girl, face it... u wont even be talking to me feeling troubled over the phone if u mean what u've been preaching.

in the end, W chose to meet H. though W's saying she juz wanna help H find closure... i dunno what tt means.. but i think she's looking for answers herself.

this 15 min phone chat reminds me of a few others around me..
they are all looking for answers.. or rather WE are all looking for answers......
'what am i to him/her?'
'is it still possible?'
'reasons for all tt he/she has done?.. reasons i dunno'
..........................

hmm... for me.. im tired of searching for anwers.
and W, just rest if you are tired too.

2005-04-29T22:27:00.000+08:00

less than a week to hong kong..

cant wait to go there and come back.. so that i can finally start work.. life now can be described in 1 word - 'nua'
and oh 1 more - 'broke'

okok.. anyone wants anything from hk can lemme know.. theres already 1 miss. buei paiseh who did that (kikiki)

and so......... life goes on so empty................ for now.

2005-04-25T03:04:00.000+08:00

hell ya i know life aint fairy tale.. but only now did i learn the hard way tt it's truly a world of jealousy and deceit out there..

what.. do i look like some kinda idiot?
wait a minute, shit don't even answer that..
you do not have the rights to say a word.

you made me stop and think bout the words u said before.. they sound like utter bullshit, its burret mull bish. BULLSHIT! and if u still wanna face me with all the shit you've been saving to say to me... i say forget it.

you aint gonna make or break me from now on.. you are stripped from all credibility.
oh... still wanna thank you for the rude awakening..

and thanks for setting me free.

2005-04-22T01:35:00.000+08:00

'...... this is it, i cant take it anymore..........bye.'

once again.. i feel betrayed.. let down.. what the hell.. so be it then.

what was i thinking..

2005-04-20T19:02:00.000+08:00

been stuck in this state recently.. feel like im gonna snap..

why did i choke? maybe you really captured my eyes, mind and soul... to have me wake up only with a picture of you fading away.

ive tried to do what's right.. ive tried to carry myself the way i should.. but it gets more anguishing the harder i try.. you touch me in a very special way each time you're near.. my mind went blank.

do i need you?? yes, no, maybe

one thing for sure.. i wont feel complete without you.

island life.. love it!!

2005-04-18T21:09:00.000+08:00

right.. after weeks of toying with the thought of going sentosa together.. we finally made it there.. (and tt's only made possible by urs truly here who roped all the biatches together.. ahem~)

the day started bright enough with everyone on time, for the FIRST time. the weather looks perfect, all 5 of us look good... wat more can 1 ask for ehz? we are all set.........

BUT.. it started to pour just 5 mins into our vball game.. wasted 2 hours playing "name the most female singers", which i totally suck at lahz...

yeap.. resumed our game after the rain stopped.. still no sun at all...
me, JZ and suen VS jaul and wayne........
and yah no prize for guessing who's the weakest link in my team.... suen is plain idle lahz.. don't think his leg moved more than 5 cm for the whole game.. gosh.. i swear im that close to kicking your ass..
we definitely need more practice.....

played beach soccer next..
give it up for the catholic high duo of me and JZ!! *hi5 my man..
cos this time round we simply took the other 3 out without sweat.. and with much FLAIR thank u very much..
think the scoreline reads 15-4 or something lahz.. haha.. we rawk eh bro..
oh yah.. forgot to mention that we almost laughed out heads off with suen's effort in the step-overs, and jaul trying to be raul.. two ultimate crap-pack lahz..

finally we headed for the kayaks..
and it got to be suen again.. he decided to sit out of this cos he didnt bring extra set of clothings..
but i think its more like he wanted the time alone to report to his miss lovely lahz..
quite envious of him though.. i guess its a nice feeling to sit by the beach talking to ur loved one after having a crazy time with some of ur closest friends... aww~~
RIGHT.. me, wayne, JZ n jaul carried on anyway.. the original 'island'!! hehe.. love the part when we lined our kayak side by side facing the vast open sea..... get the picture?? very emo de lahz..

to end the day at the beach with a bang... suen 'volunteerily' stripped down to his boxers, under no pressure watsoever from us, and walked down to the water.... hmmmmhmm..

so this is it.. what a lovely day.. just gotta love it.. :D

guess who.

2005-04-15T21:30:00.001+08:00

thursday with ZH was great. her energy is off the chart. clash of 2 mega narcissist. feels like there's constant waves of fresh breeze hitting my face throughout the night. yeap.. it definitely brightened up an otherwise gloomy week, or even month for me.. thanks yah.

guess who was al-----right, very much prefered be cool. but ZH just keep cracking me up lah.. damn funny to see her laugh over the slightest punt.

speaking of which.. guess who's back with more crap.............
i only got this to say to you.. mind your own frigging business! stop the play-acting and get a life.. wonder how many character u can be at the same time........ r-e-s-p-e-c-t _l_

and finally..
maybe its misinterpretation.. or maybe we simply don't understand each other well enough.. we are never gonna fall all the way down to become strangers yah.. hopefully time can really heal all wounds, or at least make me numb.

conclusion to the past week..

2005-04-12T02:38:00.000+08:00

coming to an end of mine 1 week break at home.. accomplished nothing much basically.. finished the 5 people u meet in heaven.. which took me 4 bloody wks!!.. starting on blink.. made good progress in my driving.. met up with e monkeyS more frequently than usual.. and been online for virtually 24/7.. don't seem to need much sleep nowadays..

argh.. cant stop thinking that something is seriously missing.. maybe im not used to having to go through so many days consecutively without purpose.. or maybe im just not used to the LONELINESS..

oh well.. deperately looking forward to the days ahead..

short term: the date on thurs, meet the biatches who r oh-so-close to me, get a job to get me out of the slump, HONG KONG!! whack the crap out of the asshole who stole my sneakers.. and most importantly 3rd of Jun'05.. kiss my pink ic

mid term: back to school, share hostel room with suen, get a driving license before my bday.

long term: graduate, then finally lead the life i want with "THE ONE".. u know.. the great singaporean dream..

dunno how much of this list can i achieve.. what you want aint always what you get right??

time.. frigging 3.02 am.. gosh hope this is not insomia..

i am finally ready to let go...

2005-04-09T21:36:00.000+08:00

after many days of misery.. could finally empty out all the slimy murky mud (as A put it).. yes it's a beautiful feeling when everything start to make sense.. when i truly understand how to set myself free..

oh well.. just wanna thank my frenz for being there for me during this "dark" period of mine.. suen, jaul, jayzee, fanny, john, renzi, feng, guowei...........

A, this's for you.. hope you realise how beautiful and precious these shots are to me.. yeap.. u know how much i believe in a good break-up.. even more in love.. wanna thank you for filling this part of my life with such sweet memories..

RIGHT.. time to move on..

cheers~~

2005-04-09T21:35:00.001+08:00

2005-04-09T21:35:00.000+08:00

and you... though apart now.. may you always be happy the way you were on this special day..

2005-04-09T21:29:00.001+08:00

2005-04-09T21:29:00.000+08:00

2005-04-09T21:28:00.002+08:00

2005-04-09T21:28:00.001+08:00

2005-04-09T21:28:00.000+08:00

something special shared by us..

2005-04-09T21:27:00.000+08:00

with my cat high bros..

2005-04-09T21:26:00.002+08:00

2005-04-09T21:26:00.001+08:00

2005-04-09T21:26:00.000+08:00

2005-03-29T18:54:00.000+08:00

life is turning into a melodrama for me. feeling the weight on my shoulder. reality is checking in. life and love aint what i see em as anymore. wanna feel free but emotions just keep pulling me down.

the bottomline is... i will grow stronger.. i'm sure i will. hope that you can do it too, A.

what shld i do to the monkey? or am i 1 too..

2005-02-18T17:00:00.000+08:00

the story goes like this.......

"there lives a potter not too long ago, and every single pot that he makes is a source of insipiration and hope for him. one day, the potter found this cute little baby monkey in the woods. he fell in love with this monkey for all its goodness, so he decided to take it home. everyday, the potter shower the monkey with care n love, he even gave up his food to the monkey hoping that it'll grow up healthy. things are great for the potter as he achieves his emotional happiness. then come 1 day the monkey starts to sweep the potter's pot onto the ground using its tail, shattering them into pieces. the potter is devastated for as much as he loves the monkey, there goes his inspiration and hope."

now.. the potter loves the monkey too much to let it go and he knows that the monkey needs him too. should he just cut off the tail 1 shot which will cause the monkey great pain? or should him trim the tail off bit by bit everyday without hurting the monkey, but with broken pots everyday until the time when the tail is finally gone?

what would you do if you are the potter.. with the tail causing you pain every single day.. would you even consider setting the monkey free?? i wouldnt unless the monkey doesn need me anymore, when it can fend for itself in the dangerous woods......

or what would you think if you are the monkey?? would you be willing to have your tail cut off even though it had been with you even before the potter found you......

so many questions in my mind...............